Anti-Thesis 2.3

*SIGH*

So it begins.

Personally, I’m not a fan of Nicole Wallace and her storyline(s) AT ALL, but for those of you who are . . . *one last SIGH, I’ll try to contain myself* here we go . . .

Goren reads between the lines and gives Eames a quick history lesson and impresses a rappin’ prof, but gets his ass handed to him on an Ezra Pound question.

Goren and Eames raid a professional student’s makeshift dorm and Goren (who has no room to talk whatsoever) critiques his eating habits – but we forgive him cuz he gives Eames a big cute grin as he pops snacks into his mouth – and Eames takes a potshot as well, aiming for the kid’s IQ. And if that wasn’t enough they get all up on his footwear (a really great scene). Apparently, boys, you’re not supposed to wear tan shoes to a wedding – who knew? (Well, Eames, our resident fashion expert, of course!) Hey! In his defense, maybe it was a daytime ceremony!

Which brings us to . . .

Shoe shopping! One of THE most entertaining scenes of the series (any Goren/Eames undercover scene is notable). But perhaps our team should’ve taken a minute to discuss their backstory: they claim they’re married, but Goren is obviously batting for the other team (but really, the unbelievable designer-brand name-check from the previous scene makes us wonder ourselves . . .) But this isn’t the first or last time Goren will equate going undercover with bringing out his feminine side . . . not that there’s anything wrong with that. But, really, watch it, the scene commentates itself.

Nicole and Goren are off on cloud nine together, but Eames breaks the spell and gets down to business. Behind her, Bobby blinks as if coming out of a daze. Nicole name dropped a couple of opera people and Bobby was a goner. Despite Nicole giving Goren all the credit, it’s Eames that catches onto the lesbian relationship.

Robert O. Goren better watch his bank account, he was born August 20, 1961. His Social Security number is 845-67-3906. But we hope his identity isn’t stolen, cuz he such a good boy: Goren visits his mother once a week and telephones her every day.

Professor Nicole and Goren discuss “the dogged unrelenting pursuit of evil” but Nicole thinks it’s all just one big pissing contest – read Moby Dick, people. They discuss Goren’s ‘parsnips’ and what ‘butters’ them and later, Goren does an imitation accent.

Goren and Nicole play a tense, depressing game of ‘tit for tat’ but we’ll call a spade a spade – it was a lover’s spat and they might as well have been having it under the Eiffel Tower. And they speak to each other in a high-literate language only they understand.

But Eames brings him back down to earth in the last line of the episode.

Ok, okay, that wasn’t nearly as painful as I thought it was.

Clothes Call: Eames’ deep red coat and leather trench, and she’s rockin’ a Seinfeld pirate shirt in interrogation. And I really like the length of Goren's hair here.

Quotable:

Nicole Wallace: Very good, detective, did you memorize the Oxford tour guide on your way here?
Robert Goren: No. No, I spent a couple of weeks there once… chasing co-eds.
Nicole Wallace: It took you that long to catch one? I'm shocked.
Robert Goren: Well, that's very funny, professor.

Alex: Men only let two kinds of women buy shoes for them, their mommies and their significant others.

Mark Bayley: I didn't tell them about the shoes. It's that big detective; he noticed them.
Nicole Wallace: That 'big detective' is smart.

Robert Goren: Sometimes a whale is just a whale.
Nicole Wallace: Nothing is ever just something. Not even detectives.

Alex Eames: (to Goren about Wallace) What'd you think, she'd have scones and a glass of sherry for us?